Your identity and mine are intertwined to our chosen profession. When telling my story, inevitably the words print and salesman come up. There is more to me and to you, than what we do. But I am in part what I do for a living and so are you.
So what happens when we are unemployed? Are we somehow lesser people or incomplete? Our worth is not determined by our paycheck. Obviously our bank account is negatively affected but the intrinsic value of a person is not tied to the income they generate. We are incomplete when we are not working as we were designed. Our identity is partly defined by the way we provide for ourselves.
When the gap in employment is extended from days and weeks, into months and beyond, the mental strain accumulates. Everyone of us has an internal clock and the time it takes for the whistle to sound can vary. In talking with job seekers more and more, I’m finding there seems to be a line in the sand at six months. What line? The line of depression.
Putting the Rat on the Table
Many who are employed tend to romanticize the idea of being laid off for a few weeks or a short period of time. Sleeping in, being free to do as you please, no boss, no quota, no customer complaints; it all sounds great. Reality doesn’t seem that bad when a person is first laid off. Most are calm and figure that a job will be easy to find, because they are smart, hard workers with a good personality. The time off will allow them to sharpen skills, do some projects and even work on switching career paths, so they might think. Most job seekers are not too panicked in the first few weeks to a month.
With the start of the second month, to the conclusion of the first six months, the pressure, anxiety and fear of failure start to build in. Every day the phone doesn’t ring, the email asking for the interview isn’t received, add mounting pressure. Almost universally by six months, those without a job have signs and symptoms of depression. Symptoms can manifest in a variety of ways including: lack of energy, heightened sensitivity, social isolation, increased anger, thoughts of suicide, chemical dependence, sexual promiscuity, self mutilation and more.
What’s the Big Deal?
Every day a person goes unemployed, the pressure mounts. Symptoms that start small become magnified if left untreated and the consequences can be dead serious. There is a toxicity associated with long term unemployment that most ignore or are ignorant to. We need to identify and acknowledge the commonality of the problem, so those who are affected by it can get the help they need without feeling like they are weird or abnormal. The long term mental affects of a prolonged state of unemployment can be devastating. The affect can be magnified for the person who’s been rejected hundreds of times in a shotgun style job search.
How to Avoid the Cycle of Depression
The easiest way to avoid the cycle of depression is to identify the danger, and take some precautions. First the taboo nature of being depressed in our culture adds to the problem. We have to quit brushing it under the rug. Being rejected by prospective employers and recruiters is damaging to our ego. If we admit that and talk about it with others, that grieving process will allow us to heal and help minimize the risk of depression. We must process the rejection and the psychological effects being unemployed has on our mental state.
Our culture is built on showing only our best attributes, however the antidote begs for open communication. Talking to family, friends or even a support group for the unemployed can be a life saver. The conversations work to release pressure, like pushing the button of the tea kettle. When the steam escapes, it takes longer for the water to boil. Our brains aren’t much different as we benefit from releasing the pressure.
Maintaining a strict schedule, eating habits, and exercise can make a dramatic impact on our metal state. Sticking to our eating and sleep routines helps us to maintain a sense of normalcy. The exercise helps us to stay fit, and releases endorphins to help our psyche. Sleeping in, eating junk, not working out is a prescription for gaining weight. Weight gain is a cause of depression for some all by itself. For the unemployed, weight gain can take a bad situation and make it worse.
Volunteering a Key to Mental Health
One way to make lemonade out of the lemon that is being unemployed is to find a good project to volunteer for. From passing the time to contributing to society there are mental advantages to helping others in your time of need. When it’s dark and the voice in your head is telling you how little your worth, the difference you make volunteering can be used to rebuff your inner demon. It’s hard to be depressed when you consider those you’ve helped. Volunteering helps us take the focus off of ourselves and place it on the needs of others.
Volunteering also creates an opportunity to work on your skills or to stay sharp. One potentially embarrassing thing to discuss in an interview is a significant time gap in employment. This embarrassment can be flipped on its ear however when you how you helped others in that time gap. Working with a church, charity or nonprofit organization can also be listed on your resume. This effort listed on your resume can help boost your perceived character to those considering your candidacy.
Build a Winning Strategy, Consider a Mentor or Coach
In almost every area of our life we realize that to do something right, we should rely on an expert. For some reason when it comes to the job search, most have the do it yourself attitude. I believe most candidates would reduce search time, if they would use a career coach. In addition to reduced search time, most job seekers would land jobs that would likely make them happier too. Why? A good career coach helps with strategy, resume review, interview prep, career assessment and even shoulder to cry on. Why reinvent the wheel or figure it out via trial and error to hope you get a good job that makes you happy? It would be better to hire a professional. You will avoid some pain and make up the cost by realizing that new paycheck sooner.
Coaches can help you with strategy not just on your resume, cover letter and for the interview, but also with running your social media and how to engage those interviewing you for potential jobs. You will also find a lot of coaches are connected to people of influence. Coaches have relationships with recruiters and HR professionals who can have a bead on potential landing spots for their clients.
Avoiding Depression and Winning the Job Search
If you are in the middle of your job search, you’re depressed and you feel there’s nowhere to turn, please seek help. Depression is not something to be underestimated. Your life is not worth unnecessary risk and I hope you know your worth goes far beyond your missing paycheck. I hope you’ve seen that there are ways to help avoid or reduce the problem altogether if you acknowledge the risk and work towards keeping the enemy at bay.
I implore you to work with someone to help you in your job search. Please be aware of your diet, exercise and sleep routines. I recommend that you stay away from mood altering chemicals and be careful of trying to compensate a low self esteem by pursuing things as new sexual relationships or other dangerous coping methods. You know that a diamond is formed through the application of immense pressure on coal over time. Perhaps you can become a shiny diamond at the end of this journey. I believe in you. Don’t quit. Keep working your strategy and know that I am rooting for you. You have got this.
Wow! This is so well written!
Thank you Brijesh. I hope it is a blessing to all who are struggling with the negative aspects of a prolonged job search. Depression is real and ignoring it doesn’t help. For those who are battling depression, I hope they will acknowledge it and find some professional help and support.
Great post Ira! No offense to men, but it seems more difficult for you, gender wise, than for women. Men typically think they are the bread winners, but for me this mentality is gone. When in a relationship, you are a unit, a couple and support one another.
If alone, or single, that is a a different story. If you find you are feeling low which then progresses, seek help. Talk to friends, people you know, and if that is not enough, seek professional help.
One does not want to stay in this low point for long because depression can become a depressive episode and continue further…
There’s probably some truth to the gender biased thinking of the old days, however I’m with you Victoria, those days are seemingly gone. Good riddance to them too. A couple has to work together to provide, so unemployment is a non gender issue to me.
Dealing with the harsh reality of being without a job is stressful and can result in depression. I believe identifying the risk, implementing a plan and seeking support are good ideas for those who are in the middle of a prolonged job search. The goal here is to highlight the issue and help those who need assistance reach out for it. After all, I am here to help.
I have been unemployed for over six months now and yes, it does get depressing. Fortunately, working out and the support of friends, family, and my husband keep me steady (most of the time).
Although all advice is nice, the “pep” talks and people’s opinions on what you should do, how you should feel, etc… get frustrating, annoying, and a bit condescending at times. Yes, you can talk it out, work it out, SCREAM, cry, network, and keep on plugging along, but until you get that job, all the “nice” advice is just that, nice.
Understood. That is why I had this site created and work tirelessly (all for free) to help job seekers connect with employers. Hang in there Irene. I’m doing what I can to help.
Basically, Irene. I’ve been looking for work in my field after graduating for two years. It should not take this long for a “candidate” market. Everyone has advice but advice doesn’t pay.
Great blog with a lot of value. I just finished my website to do Freelance Paralegal work. I now have to start promoting myself and services to get jobs. I’m still looking for a permanent job, but hopefully this will get me going. It has definitely revived me and I feel pretty good.
Two comments:
One is that the ability to use a career coach would be more achievable if the cost model changed. How can one afford to pay a career coach when one is out of a job? If it were commission-based…well, heck, I’d have no problem paying a percentage of my first six months salary. But paying in advance not possible.
Second is that we are so often discouraged from letting out the negative thoughts & frustrations we feel. Look at LinkedIn–no negative thoughts allowed. If you dare, it’s points against you. My wife–just as stressed by my situation as I am–doesn’t want to hear my frustrations, as it just weighs on her then, too.
This post resonates, for sure. The obstacles are enormous. I’ve been out almost two years, and depression has become a constant companion. On those rare occasions when people ask how they can help, there’s only one answer I have–a job. (Sigh)
Stephen I am happy to help you personally. I will send you an email.
Stephen, I reviewed your profile on LinkedIn and it looks like you have a lot of great experience and skills so don’t give up!!
Exactly. LinkedIn doesn’t encourage real dialogue, and people are shamed for asking for help.
Honestly, I don’t think people are shamed for asking for help. Too many go about it the wrong way; being very aggressive, pushy and desperate. I’ve received messages like this from numerous people and it makes for a very uncomfortable situation. When you ask for help, you have to frame it positively and have your contact ask you for a resume, not offer to send them one before establishing a professional relationship.
Great post. One thing though: Please stop telling people to volunteer!
Applying for a volunteer job can be just as involved as for a regular job. At least in my area it’s like that. Applicant Tracking Systems, cover letters, resumes, references, multiple interviews – volunteer jobs have all the same hoops AND you have to make a time & schedule commitment. Plus, many volunteer jobs are set aside for students, immigrants needing local experience, people recently out of jail, etc and other applicants don’t make the shortlist.
Not that people shouldn’t look into volunteer opportunities, but everyone should be aware that it may NOT be easy to find a suitable one.
Volunteering is just one of many potential solutions I offer people consider Margaret. I never said it would be easy. Life can be hard. That’s why I’m trying to help people. As a suggestion to volunteering, perhaps looking at churches, and smaller non-profit organizations would help you. The larger the origination, the more sought after any position would likely be. In all cases, you have to think a bit outside of the box. If you try to enter with the masses, you must figure out ways to distinguish yourself from them. Otherwise you get lost in the shuffle. The question is, what are you doing that others aren’t, that shows you would add value to that organization. Solving the riddle gets you the job, paid or otherwise. Watch my pod casts and read the other blogs for more tips. Best of luck!
Hmmm…I’m not seeing the wisdom in taking up a second search for a volunteer job. That could just mean even more rejections, which would be tough on an already struggling jobseeker. And if the search is “successful”, the jobseeker gets to work… for nothing.
My last volunteer experience was actually pretty bad. They dumped a TON of work on me. There was no way I could do it all and I’d never agreed to so much in the first place. I quit as graciously as I could, but they were kind of cranky about it. I got kicked off the mailing list, even though I am still a fully paid-up MEMBER of this organization.
So, I don’t know about volunteering for unemployed people. It can have downsides. If you’re not in a great place emotionally, you really have to be careful about the activities you engage in and the people you associate with.
Sorry to hear about your bad experience Gary, and I hope it all worked out for you in the end. As with most things in life, before deciding to volunteer or not, everyone must use their own best judgement and do what works best for their individual situation. I’m sure you can recognize that your personal experience is not universal. Many have benefited from volunteering, myself included. The long gap in work history, the lack of professional skills and frankly the depression from not having something productive to do can all be reasons to volunteer. The fact is volunteering can help in a lot of situations in a variety of ways. Everyone has to decide the course that is best for them and proceed accordingly however. Life works best when you consider all your options and then follow the path that makes the most sense for you.
The new podcast is great. I think the most important part of the interview is the preparation you do before hand.